TWD Confrontation between Rick and Daryl
by Down the gutter I go
Summary: Rick tells Daryl he has left Carol behind on their run. I was highly disappointed with the actual scene so decided to re-write it the way I would have liked it to have been.
1. Chapter 1

TWD

Daryl had been looking for Rick and Rick had been looking for Daryl. Both for different reasons obviously. Daryl had been relieved they'd found the medicine to cure the outbreak in the prison. Rick had to tell Daryl about Carol. They found eachother at the top of the first floor staircase. The second he saw Rick's face, Daryl knew something was up. Rick had sent away Carol during their run. Permanently.

Daryl was livid within seconds the words came out of Rick's mouth. He paced back and forth trying to contain himself. He wanted to punch someone. In the face. With a brick. Rick took a step back, hoping it wasn't going to be him. "You couldn't have waited until we came back from the run?"

"Till Tyreese got back?"

"I could have handled Tyreese! Hell, SHE could have handled Tyreese!" Tyreese was the last of Daryl's problems. This was Carol they were talking about. And now she was out there on her own. He couldn't stomach the thought.

"Hey, hey! ... she killed two of our own! I had to do something! She couldn't be here!"

"What the hell were you thinking? She's one of us, dammit and you sent her out there on her own? You fucking idiot! Why didn't you talk to me first? You just threw her out?!" He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Had Rick lost his fucking mind? Again? "How do you know she killed them, huh? Is there any evidence is was actually her?"

"She told me herself, she killed them, to protect the rest of the group. She couldn't be here; it was gonna put everyone at risk. Tyreese would never have accepted her here. You saw how he acttacked me. What do you think he'd do to her? I didn't just kick her out. She has a car, supplies, weapons. She'll be fine! She's strong! She'll find others and survive!" God dammit, he had actually thought it through without telling anyone!

"Son of a bitch!" Daryl punched the wall with his fist. He winced from the pain, but it felt good to focus on something else. He looked up at Rick. Looked him square in the face and yelled:"what direction did she go? I'm gonna look for her."

"And do what? Bring her back? You can't do that, Daryl. I've made the decision."

"Yeah, well, fuck you. It wasn't your decision to make, it was the Counsel's!" And that was that. He packed some clothes and food. His crossbow and arrows, took a car and took off. Rick knew better than to try and stop him. Nobody knew he left.


	2. Chapter 2

She'd let her guard down. For a moment, she forgot she was alone. She forgot about the world and all the misery in it. And it was going to cost her. She had come out of the car for a quick pee; she was bursting. She'd looked around to see if it was safe, but apparently she hadn't looked thouroughly enough. They came from around a small wall of trees and she was quickly surrounded by them. They were too quick too close and there were too many. She could smell the decay of rotting flesh, hear the gurgle and splutter coming out of dead throats. Arms forward, trying to grab her from a distance, stumbling ever closer. The only weapon she had on her was a short, but very sharp, pocketknife. But that meant close contact and there were too many to fend off by herself. The road back to the car was blocked and the more time she took to survey her situation, the more walkers seem to appear. Panic set in. She swore under her breath. "Stupid bitch, how could you be so careless?". She turned this way and that, but it was no use. The walker closest to her, she stabbed. It went down like a big pile of Jell-o. She let out a desperate sigh, but she was determened to go down fighting.

"And to think I ended up here for something I didn't do…". She clasped the knife even harder in her right hand, closed her eyes and started stabbing. "This is it", was her last concious thought. "I'm gonna end up like one of them. All alone."


	3. Chapter 3

The fact that he had driven in the right direction was an educated guess. By now, he knew how her mind worked. She'd look for others, but she wouldn't just trust anyone. She'd avoid cities and bigger towns. She'd stay close to woodland and find an inconspicuous place to park her car. By that deduction, he could cross off going North and East. West lay the river and beyond that the coastline. South would mean he had a bigger area to cover, but his tracking skills weren't rusty. South was her hometown. She'd know the area, but the stories of the abuse and a living Sophia would be too painful to relive. So. West it was. She had a two-day head start so she could be anywhere from 10 to 100 miles away, depending on how clear the roads were.

He'd frantically driven along the Highway, speeding to cover the most distance. He had the radio on in case she might use it to call for help. But there was nothing but static. He had crossed the river and circled back. Crossed the river again and took a right turn onto a B-road. He passed several discarded cars during the trip, but all of them didn't match the description of her car. Walkers showed up at the side the road as if they'd smelled him. Once or twice he had to run one over, but he dind't care anymore.

Speeding meant missing the details, which was what almost happened. After a full day and night driving, even he was getting tired. He drove past some farmland when he saw a flash of silvery blue in the corner of his right eye. He slammed on the brakes and put the car in reverse to have a better look. There it was, her stationwagon, about 50 yards from the road. He parked his own car next to it, grabbed his crossbow and jumped out to have a look inside.

She obviously wasn't in it, which worried him instantly. Why the hell would she step out here? He stepped into the underbrush next to the car, when he heard familair gurgling sounds. "Oh, no, no, no, NO!", he muttered under his breath as he ran towards it as fast as he could. No way would she be bitten or worse, eaten while he was around. Stupid bitch, getting herself in trouble like this! When he came closer he saw a group of around twenty walkers; she was encircled. He aimed the crossbow, shot the closest walker to her and screamed her name. He saw her go down. He discarded the crossbow and took out his machete, attacking the walkers one by one from the back. It was all a blur. The only thing he could think of was that she'd better not be hurt or dead. Someone would pay! He hacked and stabbed his way towards her. He finished off the last walker, picked up the crossbow again, swung it around his back and ran towards her. Picked her up in his arms and carried her back to the car, before more walkers were alerted by the noise.


	4. Chapter 4

She remembered the first time she met him. She and her family had been members of a bigger group for a few weeks. It increased the chances of safety. They each had different tasks and she did hers as best she could and was allowed to. Her husband had been abusive and wouldn't let her out of his sight. She didn't dare look at other men. She was hardly allowed to be around women. So when he and his brother joined them, she took one look at him, nodded and went on with whatever she was doing. She thought he wasn't bad looking. He had short brown hair, a bit of fluff on his cheeks, beady eyes and thin lips. He was muscular and had broad shoulders and a slim waist. He showed it off by wearing sleeveless shirts. His whole demeanor sent the message he wasn't to be messed with. He was a good tracker and hunter and handled his crossbow well. He had the nasty habit of pulling out his arrows after the kill and recycling them.

It wasn't just her husbands looming anger that kept her away from him. Her impression of him was that he was a redneck racist. So was his brother. They were streetwise and socially awkward. He drove around on a loud Harley Davidson, which he had decorated with SS-symbols. It was apparent from the start both he and his brother had a short fuse. Towards eachother and others. She had developed a six sense when it came to agression and that sense was screaming at her, she needed to stay away. So that's what she did.

He couldn't remember when she first appeared on his radar. When they first arrived at the group she was a scared brown mouse. She was stick thin and submissive. She took a regular beating and he had no regard for weakness. He didn't pay her any attention. That husband of hers was a piece of shit and he wasn't having any of it. At this time it was eat or be eaten. Tough shit for her.

By the time that husband's of hers was gone, she started to live again. She stood taller and became more confident. He did notice that. She seemed to want to take care of him. What was it with women and their shit?! Did he have a fucking sign on his forehead he needed help? She regularly brought him food when he was on watch. Even tried flirting with him, which scared the shit out of him. He'd had a few flings in his time, but he never dared to open up to anyone. She seemed worried about him and that was something he wasn't used to. All his life he took care of himself. It had always been him and his brother. But she wasn't going anywhere, that was obvious. He didn't want to admit it to himself for a long time, but he grew very fond of her. It wasn't an instant attraction. But whenever they were together there was a sense of normality. He took her under his wing and became fiercely protective of her. He tried not to let it show to the rest of the group, but he wasn't sure if he succeeded. Caring was a weakness in times like these.


	5. Chapter 5

A few weeks after his arrival, the camp was overrun by walkers. They'd probably picked up on them being alive or maybe they'd made too much noise. Maybe it was the obnoxiously loud bike he drove around on. Either way, a lot of groupmembers were killed or bitten. Just like her husband. He'd been alseep in their tent, while she was cooking his dinner. Earlier that day someone had stood up for her and had beaten the shit out of him. He was moping, tending to his wounds out of sight of the others. Walkers had crashed through. He was first to be bitten. They all knew what it meant and she knew what she had to do. What she wanted to do. She was glad to be rid of him. So when he closed his eyes for the last time, she took a dagger and without hesitation stabbed him in the head. Once or twice might have been enough. But while she was doing it, so much anger came out, she unleashed her fury on him and had to be pulled away by others. She was still grateful Sophia had never witnessed it.

Their friendship took off after that. She had experienced freedom like she had never known. She was free to do what she wanted and who she wanted to do it with, within the limits of the outbreak. His brother had disappeared and he was also on his own and they often hung out together, when all the chores were done. It was like he wanted to protect her, now that she didn't have a husband anymore. She welcomed his friendship. She was very aware she was alone in the world now and the groupmembers had become her new family. They went through a lot of stressfull situations and during those she learned who she could trust. He was definately one of them.

As time passed, he was kind in his own way and interested in her but told little about himself. That didn't surprise her. He was a man of action, not words. He had always had to fend for himself. He adjusted bit by bit to the rest of the group. Most days he was out hunting and provided plenty of food for the rest of them. He became more appreciated and his badass demeanor thawed. He evolved into a respected member of the group, who's opinion was valued. Some people even saw him as a leader; someone to look up to. It was evident, that he was in his element ever since the outbreak. Who or what he had been before that remained a mystery.

She would be grateful until the end of days that he took it upon himself to look for Sophia after she went missing, while others stood around argueing where to look. He was determened to find Sophia and that hope had grown when he had found her teddybear in the woods. In her heart she knew she had lost her daughter, but when she spoke of it, he had become angry and yelled at her. She had felt ashamed as a mother, that she of all people had given up on her daughter. At the end of that day he apologised, something she had never heard him do before. She tried to thank him for his efforts, but he just walked away. In those long days he had done more for Sophia than her daddy did in her whole life. He had gotten hurt while trying to find Sophia. She had been by his bedside to change the dressings and clean his wounds. They didn't talk during that time. It was all done in silence. She figured he would understand her actions better instead of her words of thanks. She was terrified. That time he "only" had gotten hurt. It caught her by surprise she was scared of losing him.


	6. Chapter 6

When he got to the car, he put her on her feet so he could open the back door. He slid her onto the backseat and closed the cardoor. He got into the driverseat and closed and locked the doors. He turned around to check her pusle. At least she was still alive, but she was out cold. He took a quick look at her. She didn't seem to have any visible bitemarks or wounds. He didn't see any blood that could have been hers, that was the good news. He tried to turn her on her side best he could and he saw nothing to be concerned about on her back or legs. He was relieved. Onto plan B.

Looking around to see if there were more walkers, he got out of the car and walked toward the stationwagon. The doors were unlocked. He opened the trunk and got all of her stuff out."We sure as hell ain't staying here", he thought to himself. She wouldn't be needing this car anymore. He brought all her stuff to his own car and got back into the driversseat.

He drove back toward the Woodbury area, occasionally checking on her in his rearviewmirror. There were plenty of abandoned homes where she could stay for a while until he figured things out. There must be some way, she could come back to the prison. For now he needed her to be closer to the prison, at least. He would be able to look out for her, bring by food, whatever she needed. No way he was just gonna let her drive out of his life like that.

He parked the car on the driveway of a small farm. He knew the place; they'd raided it once for supplies. The owners had fled, there were no walkers there at the time of the raid. Now, he wasn't so sure, he needed to check first. He wasn't here for the farm though. The old man had had a small barn where he used to tinker on cars and bikes. He had kept his tools there. Best part about it, was that it had just one barred window and one door.

He got out of the car, grabbing the crossbow as he went. He put it up to eyeheight as he entered the farm's frontdoor. He listened, but didn't hear anything. "Hello? Anyone here?" Nothing. He went through the house. It looked the same as last time. No one had passed here after them. No walkers, good. He pulled out a matress from an upstairs bedroom, along with blankets and pillows and dragged the lot downstairs into the hallway.

He went back to the car to check up on her, but she was still out. Onto the barn. He swung the door open with the crossbow and put it back up to his face, ready to shoot. With one look inside he made sure it was empty. It was small, it would be easy for her to defend herself if she needed to.

He brought the matress, blankets and pillows into the barn. Made the bed and brought her in. The barndoor could be locked from the inside and there were a few chairs and a small drawer she could use to block it. The tools they had taken with them last time. There was a small workbench, shelves with the old mans stuff on them, some boxes with carparts and an old bikeframe on bricks that wasn't going anywhere. He was okay with her staying here.

He sat down on the matress next to her. His crossbow next to him, at the ready. He unpacked some food and drink for when she woke up. And he waited. It was quiet in these parts. Birds and crickets had been the only sounds these days. He listened to her breathing, steady heaves. He looked down at her and for the first time let himself relax a bit. She was gonna be ok now. It was only a few days he hadn't seen her, but her hair had already seemed longer, her face thinner. Lines on her face were a little deeper. She'd been on edge too, he could tell. He felt relieved to be close to her again, just her presence made him feel more like himself again. He didn't want to be without her again.

He stroked her head softly; her bristly hair springing up where his hand had been. He realised with a start it was the first time he conciencely touched her. In a reflex he wanted to pull his hand away, but she woke up and grabbed his hand with a start. In a flash, she was halfway sitting up, still thinking she was fighting off walkers. "Whoah, there...take it easy!", he whispered and pulled his hand back. She looked around for a second. "You came for me... what happened...where are we?"."I had to step in and haul your ass out of trouble", he said with a small grin on his face. "Very funny.", she replied while she laid back down. "But thanks. I don't know how you found me but I'm glad you did." She was exhausted. "I got you", he said and meant every word. "You hungry?" "No, just really tired." "Okay, you sleep. I'll stay here". She closed her eyes again and fell asleep within seconds. She knew she was safe with him.


	7. Chapter 7

She was alone when she woke up. She had no idea how long she had been sleeping. She inhaled and looked around for him. He wasn't there. Her heart sank when loneliness found her again. She was so grateful he had been there and now that feeling of having company had gone with him. She looked around the barn to get familair with her surroundings. It looked safe enough. He'd done a good job, as usual. She searched if he'd left a note or a sign to tell her he'd be back, but she couldn't find anything other then food and drink he left for her. Her backpack was in the corner. She took a few big swallows from the bottle of water. It seemed he'd saved her and left her on her own again. Like that was as far as his caring went. She knew it was the most she could expect of him. He didn't owe her anything. In fact, it was the other way around. She owed him now. Her heart ached when she thought of all the loss she had suffered over the last years. She couldn't handle losing him as well. It was one of the reasons she'd stayed relatively close to the prison.

She got up out of the makeshift bed and opened her bag for some semi-clean clothes. It was quiet outside and she looked through the window; she didn't see any walkers or people. She wanted to go outside. To see if she could wash herself somewhere and take a pee. She was still covered in blood from the day before. The door seemed to be locked, but there was no key in the lock. Her eye went to the floor and there she saw the key. He had locked de door behind him and shoved the key back underneath the door. Before she opened it, she checked if she still had her knife with her, which she did.

It was daylight, but that was as far as she got. She'd given her watch to Rick. The sun was out. It was a hot and clear day. The crickets went crazy. She shielded her eyes when she stepped outside and glanced at the farmhouse. She remembered this place; she'd been here before. When the men went inside for supplies, she and Lori went round the back to see if there were any fruits or vegetables growing there. There was a stream, perfect for a wash. She walked towards it, looking around as she went along to make sure she was alone. She took her clothes of and left them in a pile. It was uncomfortable and vulnerable to be naked. She stepped into the fresh water and walked in, till she was into it up to her waist. It felt good to clean up. She stank of her own fear. It made her hate her own weakness. Again it had to be a man to save her. Why couldn't she take care of herself?

She put her fresh set of clothes on while she was still wet from the stream. She glanced toward the road hoping he would return. She knew she would stay here at least until he came back to her and they could have a talk.

She sat out the rest of the day. Rick had been prepared when he made her leave. He had packed most of her clothes, some toiletries and a book. She picked it up. It was from the library, she hadn't read it yet. "Might as well do something useful", she muttered. At some point she must have fallen sleep. She was scared by herself in the dark. She knew she could hear walkers and people coming a mile away, but that didn't change her feelings. She was on her own and a situation like the one in the woods would be easily repeated.

Three days had passed and not a word or a sign from him. She had been cooped up in the barn. She'd finsihed the book, had rearranged the shed, washed her clothes and hung them up to dry. She stayed inside with the door locked and the walls began to creep up on her.

Halfway day four she heard the sound of a car engine coming closer. Her heart jumped. He hadn't forgotten about her! She tried to peer out the window to see if it was him. She had to be careful not to show herself to others, so she waited behind the door, knife at the ready. She heard the car door slam shut and he yelled out her name. "Open up, it's me". He sounded tired, maybe even fed up.

She unlocked the door and swung it open. There he was. Still wearing the same clothes he had four days ago. He was gleaming with sweat and covered in dirt. She pulled a face at the sight of him. "Hi Pookie." She tried to make light of the situation. If she hadn't she would just fall apart at the spot. He looked down on himself, shrugged and said: "what?". "You look like crap." "Thanks, feel like it too."

He stepped into the barn and looked around. He noticed the changes she'd made,"I like what you've done with the place."

"Would you like to sit down?", she courtsied towards one of the chairs. She hoped he would stay with her this time. At least for a little while. "Nah, I just came to bring you some food. Check if you were alright.". She couldn't hide her disappointment. Her smile disappeared from her face and her shoulders fell. "Oh. Thanks." He unpacked the bag he'd brought in with him and put some food packed in paper on the table. He made his way back to the car, when she brought up the courage to ask him:"When will I see you again?". It made her feel like some mistress he had to hide from his wife. It made her sound desparate. Which she was, but she didn't want him to know that. Life was hard enough as it was, she didn't want to put more weight on his shoulders.

He shrugged again."Dunno, maybe in the couple of days. Things are pretty messed up at the prison. Virus has spread, there's a whole wing of sick people now.""Oh." That was a far as she came. The last few days she had only thought of herself. She had no idea what he'd been up to and by the looks of it, it hadn't been anything good.

"I'd better go." And he just drove off again.


	8. Chapter 8

He'd sat in that barn, stroking her head and it hit him like a ton of bricks. He was in love. He cared for this woman. She was beautiful, both inside and out. She was loyal and she'd grown to be tough. He could count on her to have his back. They had encirlced eachother all this time.

He had no idea what to do. He just sat there, both his mind and heart working overtime. He had always hid from feelings, would even go so far as to claim he didn't have any. He felt better that way. But didn't that turn out to be a big fat lie... She had somehow found her way into his heart and he could no longer deny it. He was confused, scared and most of all angry with himself. So he did what he knew best. He ran. He had scared the shit out of himself, so he ran.

To buy himself some time he had stayed away for a few days. He tried to clear his head and figure out what to do. But he didn't get anywhere. He couldn't talk to anyone at the prison, not even Rick. He hadn't told anyone he had found her. He didn't want Tyreese to find out and create a whole new problem. He came to the conclusion he had no fucking clue what to do about her and about himself. But time was running out and he had to get back to her. He wanted to go back to her. He wanted to be with her, talk to her, see her, touch her; telling her everything was going to be okay.

So he drove back with his heart in his throat. He would see her again; on the way he was getting excited about it. He figured she'd be pissed off by now for not showing up.

When he got there, he had been really surprised, she seemed happy to see him. He tried to play it cool, but he just couldn't cope. So he made some lame ass excuse about the prison and took off again. Truth was there was fuck all he could do at the prison. The meds were there. All he could do now to keep busy was digging graves. She was disappointed; he saw it on her face. He felt torn apart by it. He wanted to grab her, kiss her, but he just couldn't. So he turned around and drove off.

"GODDAMMIT, SON OF A BITCH!" He ran, like a little girl. He cursed himself the minute he drove off. His heart almost beating out of his chest. "Get your head out of your ass!". He hit the steeringwheel as he drove. "You can't even look her in the eye and you want a damn romance? You think she's gonna stay in that barn forever, waitin' on your sorry ass? You can't keep her there, she's not your prisoner!" He drove all the way back to the prison beating himself up. Give him ten walkers, he'd know what to do. But now there was a woman in his path and he shrank into some pansy ass whimp.

When he arrived at the prison he turned off the car engine and just sat there. He was livid with himself.

He got out of the car and walked straight to his cell. He packed some of his clothes and walked back out to the car. The others in the common room watched him come and go like they were watching a tennismatch, but no one said a got in and drove the same way back again. "Stop being such a pussy! You best shut the hell up!", he cursed at himself.

This never again; something would have to change.


	9. Chapter 9

She guessed it was about ten at night when she heard a car approach. She sat upright and tried to listen hard what was going on. He'd left her on her own again. This visit wasn't even worth mentioning. She wanted to talk to him, be with him. He made her feel appreciated. He acted tough, but she knew better. He had a good heart, he was a good man. He had earned his place. But apparently he didn't want to be with her because he couldn't leave quick enough. And now she might be in trouble. There were people coming. She heard the car close to the farmhouse. A door openen and closed again. She held her breath. Could it be him, did he come back? He had called out for her earlier, now she heard nothing. She didn't want to risk blowing her cover, so she kept quiet and felt for her knife. She waited for maybe a knock on the door, anything. Still, not a sound. It drove her crazy.

What the hell was going on? She couldn't see anything from the window. Her curiosity got the better of her. She unlocked the door and slowly peered out as far as she could. It was his car alright, but he wasn't in it. What was he up to?! Did he go inside the house for some reason? Maybe he had brought someone with him to talk to her, maybe Rick? She went up to the house and stood in the hallway to listen for sounds there, but all was quiet. She walked back out again and heard a carefully walked to the back of the house. It was dark, but the moon was out. The silver light gave her enough to see where she was going through the tall grass.

His clothes were in two piles on the side of the water. She took a few steps back to give him some privacy. He obviously hadn't heard her coming. But she couldn't help but watch him from where she stood. Her late husband had been the only man she'd ever been with. Their sexlife was a disaster. How do you love a man who gives you a regular beating? It was a miracle Sophia was born. He'd been terribly out of shape; she was digusted by him. She wasn't used to a man's body anymore. This view however was something she could get used to. She chuckled to herself she was actually checking him out; he looked good.

He stood in the stream with his back to her. He arched his back to scoop up water to clean his arms. He had gotten buffed up over the last year. He was accustomed to not eating if she didn't bring him any. And it showed. His muscles were well defined. The moonlight made his skin glisten and cast shadows over the humps and bumps of his arms. He turned when he heard the chuckle. "What are you doin'?!" He looked up to her from the distance, his eyes like slits. "Keeping an eye on you." She looked left and right over her shoulders. She couldn't keep her eyes off him, let alone watch for walkers or people.

He made his way out of the water and glared at her as he did. She turned halfway around so he could get dressed. "Ain't you a peach.", he mumbled while he put his pants on. That didn't sound very friendly. Was he angry with her? What the hell did she do wrong now? "I'm not gonna let you pull away, you running off like that this afternoon." She wanted him to know she cared; she wasn't angry at all. He'd been half dressed by then and stomped his way to her. He came at her agressively and yelled in her face:"If you'd spend half your time minding your own business instead of sticking your nose into everybody else's, you'd still be at the prison right now!". She stood her ground and let him have a go at her. He was doing what he knew best, scaring her so she would back away. She was getting to him and they both knew it. This time, his tactic wouldn't work; she was sure of it. "Go ahead", she said softly. Giving him more opportunity to continue. She was half expecting a punch in the stomach like she was used to while argueing with a man. "Go ahead and what? Ah, just go back to the barn. I don't want you here. You're a real piece of work, lady!" She just looked at him, but she felt tears swelling. "What? Are you gonna make this about my daddy now or some crap like that?! You know jack. You're afraid. You're afraid 'cause you're all alone. You got no husband, no daughter. You don't know what to do with yourself. Hell, you ain't my problem!" He came at her with his fist raised. She just stood there. He'd hurt her all right, but she knew what he was doing. He cared too, but was afraid of himself; he was afraid of his owwn feelings. Maybe even of her. And he tried to drive her away by being angry and agressive. She looked at him, mouth pulled down, swallowing the tears she didn't want him to see. "Yeah", she sighed. He glared back at her, eyes spewing out fire. She turned on her heels and went back to the barn. She heard him curse and mumble under his breath behind her back. By the time she reached the barn, she heard a loud "crack"and a scream.

His resolution went out the window. He'd driven back quite set on the idea he was gonna show her how he felt. He failed miserably. She stood there watching him wash and he felt interrupted, caught and again he fell back into old patterns and yelled at her to scare her away. He couldn't remember what he yelled, he'd already forgot. The contens of the words were unimportant. At some point she even seemed to think he would hit her. He had the urge, but refused to do it. He wasn't like that shithead of a husband of hers. He took his anger out on the nearest tree, when he thought she was far enough away. He puched it as hard as he could both hands taking turns, leaving knuckles bleeding. The anger subsided a bit. He took a deep breath. Picked up his clothes and strolled over to the farm's backporch. He sat down on a bench and fondled with his clothing.

After a while she came out of the barn and walke back to him, to see if he'd cooled off a bit. She handed him a cloth to wipe his knuckles with."Did that help? Couldn't hit me, so you beat up a tree? Is that who you are now?" "You were spying on me!", he yelled at her. He felt like a 5-year-old. "That's not what this is about and you know it!". She was right. Of course she was right. He stood up and walked over to her. Stood right in front of her, intimidatingly towering over her. HE asked slowly:"what do you want me to do...huh?! I don't need this!". She stood her ground. Looked him square in the face and called him out."Don't pretend like you don't care! You want your friendship back? Take it! Every kind and smart thing you said; take it all back, I don't care, I've lost worse! But don't sit back here, tend to your bloody fists and pretend you don't care!".

She'd made her point. She turned and wanted to walk away, when he grabbed her by the arm and snarled:"don't you walk away from me!". In one move he pulled her in, pressed her against his chest and kissed her.


	10. Chapter 10

Wait...What just happened? Weren't they just argueing? Taken aback, she had her eyes open, maybe even open wide.

Taking her head in between both his hands, pulling her in with his shoulders up, he kept her where he wanted her. First, he gave her soft kiss with his lips closed. His eyes were closed, he was savouring the moment. It felt strange to be that close to someone else. All that time the group had kept a polite distance towards eachother. There hadn't been much hugging going on at the prison. It took her a few seconds to get used to just feeling him, let alone realising she was actually kissing him. HIM! It felt awkward to kiss someone, someone she wanted to kiss for so long. Whenever her husband had kissed her, it had nothing to do with love; it was because he had been horny and he almost ate her face. That wasn't kissing, this, THIS was kissing. This was passion and frustration and anger and love and lust all at the same time. His goatee tickled her face. It felt really strange and really familair at the same time.

Then he moved his head back a bit, to watch her reaction. Putting her hand up to his cheek, he made a slight ducking move; he assumed she was going to hit him. She stopped her hand mid-air to show him what she wanted to do and stroked him across the cheek, down his neck and across his chest. They found eachother at the same time, taking in big lungfulls of air and smell as their mouths collided again for the second time.

The touch of his tongue on her upper lip made her knees buckle. Steadying herself, she held onto him. Grabbed him by his arms and stroked her way across his back. God, what was this man doing to her. "I love this, more, MORE", she thought to herself.

Eventhough he had just washed, he smelled of sweat and cigarettes. He had been nervous before she returned to the back of the house.

Tilting her head, she encouraged him to go on. He took the invitation, letting go of her lips and making a trail of soft kisses down her neck. It made her smile. Nerves had gotten to her as well and they were both relieved the first step had been taken. She started giggling. His head came back up and with another kiss he silenced her. When he was finshed their foreheads touched, they looked into eachothers eyes and started laughing, relieved.

"Come on, best go back inside", he said turning away from her, never forgetting the danger they could be in. Hand in hand, they stolled back to the barn and locked the door. HE kissed the inside of her palm while they walked. It made her blush like a teenager.

She had no idea what would happen next. Would one kiss be it? Would there be more? She wasn't sure if she was ready for that. She certainly wasn't prepared for more. Insecurities started to creep in, but she was determined to not let them spoil the moment.

"Are you going back to the prison tonight?", the safe option would soften the blow. Of course she wanted him to stay, she'd feel a whole lot better that way.

"Nah, I thought I might crash here. That alright with you?" Strolling towards her, keeping eye contact, she felt weak at the knees again. "Yeah... sure...". She looked away. "Don't get shy now!", she yelled at herself. "You were tough enough to flirt with him, while there was nothing going on. Now, own up to it!"


	11. Chapter 11

It had been a hot day that day. Heat had risen up from the road. Now that it had gotten dark, clouds had formed and a thunderstorm was was stifling hot in that barn. The window couldn't be opened and it was too risky to leave the door unlocked, let alone open. It had been dark in there. Only the occasional flash of lightening made the inside of the barn light up, making the inventory shadowdance against the walls. It was the only time they could both see something.

She contributed the heat to her own feelings rageing. He had mentioned he wanted to stay with her. The makeshift bed was big enough for the both of them, she just didn't know if she would be able to sleep. Especially with him half undressed and so near to her. Through a flash of lightning she could see he'd sat down in one of the chairs. She thought he was coming for her, but apparently he had changed his mind. He sat there, rubbing his eyes, shirt draped over his left leg, like he was deep in thought. She was lost. What did he want, he seemed to be sending mixed messages here. The flash was over and pitch black returned.

Feeling her way through the darkness, she listened for him. She heard his breathing. He cleared his throat giving away where he was. She had one arm out in front of her when she touched the warm skin of his neck. Her hand went through his hair. Taking a heavy breath, he leaned his cheek into her hand and moved it from side to side. She felt how he slowly came forward from the chair and pulled her towards him. He lifted her shirt up a bit and kissed her soft belly. It melted into a tender cuddle; putting his head against her midriff. He stood up from the chair and took her right hand and slowly stroked up her arm toward her neck. It gave her goosebumps and chills went down her spine despite the heat. Grabbing the collar of her vest, he pulled it up and over her shoulder, letting it fall on the floor. Her t-shirt, which already had been clammy, came off too. He pulled it over her head, while she held her arms in the air. Feeling his breath on her cheek, hers seemed to stop all together. She wanted to kiss him again and tilted her head. Arms wrapped around his waist, they stroked cheeks, his lips grazing hers. Getting familair with eachothers smell and touch. It seemed like they stood there forever. Getting used to the new status quo. They wouldn't be able to go back to being friends after this. She did't want to.

Suddenly he looked up and let her go. "There's something out there...stay here." She looked toward the door and tried to hear what he thought he'd heard. She didn't hear anything. "Dammit, I left the crossbow in the car! Shit! Shit! SHIT! What kinda weapons do you have?" He was trying to find his way to the old man's workstation, but he already knew there wasn't much there anymore. "I have a knife, take it! Here..." She bent down to grab her shirt and put it on quickly. She put the knife in his hand as he unlocked the door. Carefully as to not make any noise he looked through the slightly opened door. "There's walkers comin'. They're close. I can't get back to the car! Shit!". The one thing she didn't want to hear. "How many?" "Can't tell, a few". It meant she was without a weapon. Turning on her heels she tried to remember where she'd put her stuff and what she might be able to use to defend herself. Scissors...she had a pair of scissors. She fondled for her bag and found it quite quickly. She had his back and stood right behind him. "No, you're stayin' right here, you hear me?! I've got this". And he stepped out alone. "This is a bad idea", she thought to herself.

Through the dark she heard noises, gurgling, slashing, stabbing noises. Her heartbeat was doing 160 a minute, while she waited. Adrenaline was racing through her veins. Then he screamed. "Screw this", she said to herself and stepped out to help him. He was surrounded by three walkers that came closer and closer. She yelled out to get their attention and it worked. One turned and walked towards her, giving him opportunity to stab the others in the head. Scissors at the ready, she finshed off the third one. He ran towards her and grabbed her by the arm, back into the barn and locked the door. "There might be more comin'. We need to stay quiet.". She nodded; she agreed. "Thanks for the help". "No problem", she said dryly."You knew I had it covered, right?", she said with a smirk. "Of course you did."

He'd been back to the car for his bagpack and crossbow. They sat there next to eachother for the longest time, but nothing happend. Didn't say a word. At some point he mentioned: "we'd better get some sleep." She assumed the mood had been spoiled until he stood up, still holding her hand. She followed him and for the second time he proceeded with taking her t- shirt off. Her pants she undid herself. Let them fall to the floor; there she stood in nothing but her underwear. She certainly didn't feel very sexy. He took his own pants off and layed down on the matress. She joined him, pulled up the blanket halfway and turned her back to him.

He lay on his back and looked toward her. He kissed her shoulder and slided against her, with his left arm over her waist on top of the blanket. "Wake me up when it's all over.", she mumbled as she closed her eyes.


	12. Chapter 12

A weight had fallen off his shoulders. For the first time since this hell started, finally some luck had come his way. She was his luck. Because of her, it was worth it to keep fighting. Because of her he felt worth something. Because of her, he could break down the walls he worked so hard on to keep up. Because of her he felt appreciated, special, even loved. She'd seen parts of him that weren't pretty and she was still there. They had found eachother at the end of the world and he would do almost anything to hold onto it. And life wouldn't be the same. He was unfamilair with love. His history was riddled with abuse. From his parents, from his brother. He knew he had plenty to give her, he just never learned how. She'd have to be patient with him, but he didn't have to tell her that. She knew how complicated he was. They could both learn to love again, together.

The fact she just went to sleep after the walkers, said enough for him. She wouldn't push him. And that was what he wanted, what he needed. He wanted to be with her. It would be nice if that eventually happened, but he just wanted see how this would work out. After she'd come to bed, she had rolled over onto her side and he'd put his arm around her. It felt really good to hold her this close. She fell asleep fast and he'd lain there, listen to the rain pouring. Thoughts running through his head, he didn't seem to be able to slow them down. Now that she was sleeping, he'd loved her even more. She looked beautiful in the flashes of lightning.

He just couldn't help himself. He wanted to love her and he had to find a way to do it. He had to work up the courage. He'd been hurt enough times in his life, he wasn't looking for another one. He wanted to do this right. Now,that she was sleeping, he felt, she wouldn't judge or laugh at him. It made the threshold lower.

Women he'd been with in the past were just that, women. Floating in and out of his life. They had been one night stands. He hadn't exactely been boyfriend-material before the outbreak. He had just fucked around, quite literally. No idea if he'd been a good lover. He wanted them for his own relief and never concidered their feelings or pleasures. She was different. This was different. He did want to please her and make her feel good, even if it was for just a short time.

While he was kissing her shoulder, making his way down her back, she woke up. Still a bit drowsy she turned on her back to see what he was up to. Very different, being woken up by kisses. He moved along with her, was now crouched down next to her and trailed further down along her belly. He kissed her softly and slowly to give her ample opportunity to stop him if she wanted to. He couldn't see her face very well in the dark, but she was still relaxed and he thought he heard her smile. That was good encouragement. Licking and kissing his way past her pelvic bone, he took the line of her panties in between indexfinger and thumb of his right hand. Still no objection...she actually pushed her pelvis up a bit, so he could slip her panties away from under her backside. They landed on the floor next to the matress.

Continueing, he stroked her leg with the tips of his fingers. He was holding back until he heard a blissful sigh coming from above his head. This was going ok, so far, right? She opened her leg a bit to give him better access. He was surprised to find out, she was actually clean shaven. It made him giggle a bit. An apocalypse wouldn't stop her personal hygene. She smelled like flowers and sweat and it drove him crazy. With the tip of his tongue he gave the slightest little lick past the soft outer skin of her left labia. She sighed and pulled up a bit. It had been a long time since someone had been there. Her wetness gave her away; she wanted this, just as much as he did. She had grown unfamilair with the feeling. He waited, so she could recuperate a little. And he continued along the other side. It gave him the same reaction. Her smell was fantastic, now he wanted to taste her. Bending forward, he stroked his tongue along the middle. She groaned and patted her hands along the matress to find something to hold onto. He was getting excited as well. Round and round he went, slowly, very slowly. Keeping his head upside down, he stuck his tongue further in. All that time he caressed her legs. She made an attempt to touch him. He was rock hard, but it was too much to ask. He pushed her hand away, when he thought she came too close and she accepted it.

Coming up for air he started to put his fingers to good use. Softly pressing her clit, he noticed she was pushing her pelvis into his hand. She was already getting close. Her moans and groans motivated him and he went back down. He wet his indexfinger and glided the tip of it into her sweet opening, all the while using his tongue to massage her clit. His finger went in deeper and he pulled it out again, making a repetitive motion, faster and faster. Her muscles exploded around his finger and she came with sobs, moving up from the matress.

He came back up and fell on his back, smiling. He was quite pleased with himself. She seemed to like that. He looked to the side and half expected her to lie there in ecstasy. But to his surpise she was crying. "Did I hurt you? What's wrong?" He rolled on his side to face her and wipe her tears away. This wasn't what he meant to do. She apologised, but he wasn't having any of it. "Did I do something wrong?" "No, no, no...it wasn't you. That was amazing."

Putting on her panties, he was still stroking her. He pulled her close and kissed her temple. They went back to sleep. Tomorrow, they would have to have a talk about why Rick had banished her from the prison. For now, he was spent.


	13. Chapter 13

When she woke up the next day, the first concious thought she had was "did that happen? Or was it a dream?" It had been a long time since she had such a release it made her cry. Her orgasms were usually self-induced with some help from her battery-operated boyfriend. But since they had been cooped up in the prison, she hadn't used it in fear people might hear her. She didn't realise the frustration ran so high. He had done it just perfectly, slowly, taking his time, but also taking her by surprise, so she hadn't worried beforehand. She wasn't exactely over-confident when it came to her body. She wasn't 18 anymore, had had a child. But that didn't seem to matter to him. She gave herself a little internal cheer, which made her smile.

She got up from the matress and looked around. He was sitting in one of the chairs, eating some sort of breakfast. He was looking at a roadmap.

"Hey.", she said with a squeeky voice. He looked up, hadn't noticed she was awake. "Hey." "You okay?". He seemed to be worried about something. "Hmmm", he pressed his lips together, nodded slightly. His hair had fallen over his eyes, they darted a bit under his brows.

Under the cover of darkness he had worked up the courage to come close to her and do things to her she never thought anyone ever could. Now that the sun was out, he was acting like a shy boy avoiding her gaze. Were they going to talk about this, or pretend it never happened? Her second thought was, hell, I don't need to talk about it, I just want it to happen again! But this wasn't the time, she knew that.

"I'm gonna go back to the prison today. They're probably worried and I wanna talk to Rick, see if I can get you back there. You wanna tell me what happened, 'cause I know you didn't kill those people." She got up, put the same clothes on as the day before and sat opposite him in one of the chairs. "Well...", she sighed. "no, I didnt. It was Lizzie.""Aaah, damn", was his first reaction and he shook his head down. "She was confused, scared. She'd lost her daddy and I was supposed to look after her and Mika. But when she came to me, she told me she had killed those two people, I had to do something." "So you took the blame? What good'll that do?". He didn't see the point. Why not just tell everyone it had been the little girl?

"What sort of punishment do you give a 10-year-old for killing two people in a time like this? You're going to point your finger at her and tell her she can't ever do it again? Ground her? We teach them how to use weapons, kill. You saw Tyreese, he was livid, he would have killed her, if he'd find out. So I told Rick it was me; I took the blame, yes. And Rick did what he thought he had to do. I can fend for myself out here, she wouldn't be able to. She needs the protection of the group, your protection!". "You stayin'out here's bullshit. You should come back to the prison." "You know, for now, I can't. They know I've been away and why, can't just come back and pretend it didn't happen."

He had packed up his stuff, checked carefully for walkers and walked over to the car. "I left you a new book, give you somethin' to do. I know I can't keep you here, but I'mma fix this. So, no runnin'off, okay? I'll come back as soon as I can." "Okay, I'll be waiting." She had no desire to run off and it wasn't like she had better things to do. He had given her a reason to stay. Wanting to stay close to him and she had to fight the urge not to step into the car with him. She waved at him, while he reversed:"bye, Pookie". "Stahp", he chuckled and shook his head "no". He was able to do unspeakable sexy things to her, but he still couldn't handle her flirting with him. In turn, she laughed at him being all shy.

A few hours laters, he came back. She'd been reading the book he left her. Opening the door for him, she saw a hand come in first with a bouquet of 10 Cherokee roses. It made her laugh out loud. Him, Mr. Tough-guy, bringing her flowers! "Hahaha, what's this...? I love it them!". It felt good to laugh freely. The rest of him came through the door. He just stood there, looking at his feet, to her and back again. "Are you blushing, Mr. Dixon?", she teased him. She walked up to him, accepting the flowers. "Thank you." Putting her chin up, her lips met his. They were warm and resourceful. He emraced her, like he hadn't seen her in a week. He was worth the wait. She didn't care he did things his own way, on his terms, it was the way it was.

"Did you get a chance to talk to Rick?" Of course, she wanted to go back to the prison if it was at all possible. It had been horrible on her own. "Hmmm", he nodded with that same look he have her this morning. Lips persed, watching her through his hair. "Well...what did he say?", the suspense was killing her! "He wants to talk again. He needs convincin' it wasn't you. Told me to bring you back, without anyone seein'. So we've arranged a little get together tonight." Ok, that was a good thing. She wouldn't lie, tell the truth. And maybe she could come back.

"And what will we do in the meantime?", she asked him with one eyebrow up, biting her lip. He gave her a sly smile that said it all.


	14. Chapter 14

They had sat out that afternoon. It was now early evening, they'd had some food and the sun was setting. The barn was getting darker. She'd been reading the book he had brought her and he'd been flipping through old magazines he'd found in the barn. They just hung out on the matress like a married couple spending Sunday together in bed. Almost, almost it felt like the world was back to its old ways. But not quite. The feeling to be on guard never ceased, although the barn had proven to be safe enough.

After a few hours of this, she threw away the book she'd been reading. "Old crap", she complained. He looked up and was distracted from his magazine; he had been quite content with this level of comfort and intimacy. Turning his head sideways, she gave him a stare that made him nervous. He broke her gaze and fiddled with the corner of a page, like he knew what was coming.

Back in the old days, her taking control of a situation was something that just never happened. But now that he was here,_ with her_, she felt strong. Well, stronger. She certainly wasn't that scared brown mouse anymore. Remembering how he had made her feel the night before, she wanted more. She couldn't stop thinking about it. She wanted him and somehow, she was trying to build a bridge toward a similair situation. And she realised, she couldn't just jump his bones.

"I'm really grateful what you're doing to get me back to the prison.", she started. "Thas allright", he nodded, "you would have done the same for me." "True", she answered, never breaking her gaze. She got up on all fours on the matress, her face closer to his. "Thank you". She bent foward to plant a soft, grazing kiss on his cheek. He recieved it, bending his head a little toward her. An inch from his face, she stared into his eyes again. This time, he took the iniative by stroking the side of her cheek, pulling her in by the back of her neck. She closed her eyes, anticipating his lips. He kissed her softly, parting her lips with his tongue. This time he wasn't shy. During a passionate kiss that seemed to last a lifetime, they undressed eachother. Clothes landed on piles next to the matrass. She'd noticed he was more daring by evening, when dark was creeping in. It didn't matter. The sky was clear and the moon gave her enough light, for her to admire his gloriously cut body. "You look so beautiful", he muttered under his breath, apparently he had the same thought. Any insecurities or shame she had had about being naked in front of him, had disappeared.

Her breathing quickened, was shallow and her yearning grew with every second he touched her. His hands were all over her body, going from her head stroking toward her shoulders and down her back and her bum. She went in for another kiss which he gave gladly. She touched him with feathery light fingertips over his chest, through his chesthair, over his nipples. Nuzzeled in the nape of his neck to smell him; it only got her more excited. When she ran her fingers over his back, she discovered all sorts of humps and bumps. Scars from when he was abused as a child. She wanted to kiss every single one of them, but he'd gotten hold of her arms and pulled them away gently. It was too painful. She had had the same scars, only hers weren't visible.

His breathing changed, became more rushed. Both his hands found her breasts and he kissed his way to them. Kneeding, caressing and loving them with his tongue. Her nipples responded quickly; this was heaven! She lift her leg up and sat herself on top of him. Slowly she started grinding her pelvis on his growing erection. Forwards and backwards, she stimulated herself, arching her back. It gave him better access to her chest. She planted her hands on his legs; she was heaving.

In one motion he took her by the waist and threw her over so she was lying down and he was on top of her. She loved the weight of him on her. "I want you, I want you now!", she squeeled. Complying, he wet his hand and ran it past his shaft. In a fluent motion he entered her. Staring into eachother's eyes, he carefully started moving. He filled her completely. Not having sex had made her tight. She needed to relax in order to tolerate him inside. She let out a big sigh and exhaled. It was obvious he was restraining himself not to finish too quickly. It had been a long time for him as well.

He sat up, still inside of her, spreading her legs. The feeling overwhelmed her; she could hardly breathe. Putting his tumb against her clit, he glared at her strough his hair. He was panting, tongue licking his bottom lip. Still moving in and outward, he started massaging her clit, like he did the night before. The sight of him and feeling what he did to her, made arch her back again, closing her eyes, throwing her head back. She joined his movements with her pelvis and for a few strokes they were one. He picked up the pace, thrusting faster and deeper. She couldn't take it any longer, the build-up was too great. She went over that delicious threshold into oblivion. And for the second time she exploded in smithereens. She gave out a scream and he quickly came forward to smother it. Still curving his own spine, he climaxed, convulsing. He grunted into her neck and made a soft sound with every extra stroke he made. Collapsing on top of her, they both started giggling, trying to catch their breaths.

He rolled off of her and she put her head on his shoulder and they rested there for a while. God, she was tired, but their day hadn't finished yet. She had a talk with Rick soon.

"Let's have a wash". "Yeah."


	15. Chapter 15

The drive back to the prison took about twenty minutes. Fidgeting in her seat, she was getting more nervous with every mile they came closer. Driving fast in the dark, he didn't have to mind other traffic, just possible walkers on the road. He grabbed her left hand and squeezed it softly. "Don't be nervous, you'll be ok". He was convinced Rick would come round. "Yeah, but I lied. I feel bad about lying. And what if he won't let me come back. And what will all the others think...?" "Just relax. They know you!", he reassured her with a small smile. That was easy for him to say. He could come and go as he pleased. She'd been in an impossible situation and made a choice. She'd made a bad choice. She knew that now, but she also wanted to keep true to the promiss she made, to look after those girls. Irony was, that because of her choice, someone else was having to look after them now. What she regretted was that she made the choice by herself and hadn't consulted with him first. Or anyone for that matter. Maybe if she had done that, all this would never have happened. Now, she was going back to a place, who's walls might keep her safe from walkers, but the people inside might see her as a threat. They might avoid her, shun her, not talk to her. That would suck. And she'd have to face Tyreese at some point and that scared her a little. But not tonight. Rick would make sure, they would be alone to talk. She'd left all her stuff at the barn, she didn't have the illusion she could come back tonight and stay.

Rick was outside waiting for them. He opened the gate when he saw the car coming. She couldn't help but duck down into her seat, afraid that she might be seen. Daryl looked at Rick and drove passed him to park the car. "Good to see you, brother", said Rick while he gave Daryl a one-armed hug once they had stepped out of the car. "You too", Daryl hugged him back, slapping Rick on the back. His greeting to her was a little less informal. "Carol", he nodded. "Rick", she nodded back, "thanks for having me." Rick didn't respond. "Let's go inside, we can talk in the library. Maggie and Glenn are in the watchtower. They knew you were coming. Everyone else is asleep." He led the way inside. She followed Daryl and Rick into the main building, looking back toward the watchtower, to see if Maggie and Glenn gave a sign that they saw her, that they were all right with her being there. But she saw nothing.

Outside, the noise of plenty of walkers pushing against the outer fence had filled the air. The prison was so quiet inside, it was eerie. It was peaceful.

Once in the library, they each took a chair and sat down. "So, you wanna tell me what this is all about? Did you lie to me?"Rick came straight to the point. He wasn't fucking around. She was taken by surprise, "Yes...yeah, I did", she stammered. "So, start talkin'. You said you did it. You said, you did it for us. You weren't sorry", Rick urged her on with his eyebrows raised. Daryl just sat there, glaring, watching them both, like a referee. Listening, deciding wether or not he liked what was hearing.

She took a deep breath and thought... _here goes nothing_. "Well...When their daddy was bitten, he asked me to look after Lizzie and Mika, like they were my own. And I promised him I would. Those girls had lost both their parents and they were scared and confused.". She looked up at Rick, but saw no reaction. She continued:"Lizzie especially is going through a rough time. She felt sorry for the walkers, gave them emotions they didn't have. I caught her talking to them, even feeding them. I was worried about those girls. I wanted them to survive, to live.""Yeah, we had noticed the feeding after you left", Rick admitted. _Well, technically I didn't "leave"_, she thought to herself, _you sent me away_, _you ass. _"So, when the virus had spread and Karen and David were in quarantine... I don't know...I think she just snapped and killed them. I tried asking her why she'd done it, but she was so upset, she couldn't answer me. But there were two dead bodies and I felt like I had to do something. So I dragged them outside and burnt them." "Why?! WHY?", Rick started yelling. "Why didn't you come to me or Daryl, we would have figured something out! Now, everyone knows you're gone, because you're a killer, is that what you want? How do you want to come back from that? And in the meantime we have a girl walking amongst us, capable of killing the living!... But apparently that's what you've been teaching them in your special little class!" He stood up from his chair and started pacing the room, stoking the top of his head. He was trying to figure out what to do.

" I know, I made a mistake...I know that now. I should have come to you. I'm really sorry. I'm NOT sorry for teaching those kids survival skills". She looked at both of them, she was in tears by then. "What do you think 'bout all this?", Rick looked over at Daryl. Shifting on his chair, he took to Carol's defence. "She thought what she did was right, man. She panicked. It could have happened to all of us. You told me I was family when I wanted to run off with Merle...? Well, she's family too. Come on, man, you know her...WE know her. That's her, but that ain't her! We can't just send her off on her own".

"Please, let me make it up to you, all of you. Let me talk to the others to clear my name, let me explain to them. Let me talk to Lizzie and Mika. Let me help those girls...I know I can!" She was pleading with him. She knew it wasn't going to be that easy. She would have a lot of trust to rebuild.

"Come on, man, give her a shot.", Daryl asked. From where he sat, he looked up at Rick. Rick on the other hand was still shaking his head "no". He didn't see this happening. Carol not being there anymore and the reason why, had caused quite a stirr amongst them. How was she going to function again in this group? And would the rest think he was weak for changing his mind? He'd kept an extra eye on Lizzie himself. The feeding of the walkers had continued after Carol left. So she was ruled out what that was concerned, but he didn't tell her that. Daryl started again:"Rick, why don't we...""WHAT THE HELL IS SHE DOIN' HERE?!". Daryl stopped midsentence and looked over at the door half standing up at the same time; they all did, spooked by the sudden interruption. It was Tyreese. He stood in the dooropening, heaving, breathing hard through his nose like a raging bull. He couldn't sleep and decided to go for a walk around the perimeter when he heard familair voices coming from the library. Fueled by curiosity he had a listen and couldn't believe what he heard. They were actually considering letting Carol back into the group! Rage instantly overtook him, not her, not the killer of his Karen!

"Tyreese, calm down", Rick urged him, with his hand out in front of him, slowly walking toward him. He wanted to get in between Tyreese and Carol. Daryl had the same idea. Not wanting to let either Carol or Rick get hurt, he danced behind Rick's back to intevene whenever he felt he needed to. This could get real ugly, real fast. The only thought on Rick's mind was, to get Carol the hell out of there, before everyone woke up by the noise. Carol had stood up and faced him, head on.

"I came to see Karen and saw the blood on the floor. Then I smelled it", he first said in a soft voice looking at the ground, but his voice grew louder with each word,"SHE dragged them out there and set them on fire! SHE KILLED THEM AND SET THEM ON FIRE!" Tyreese took a step forward as well and was in Rick's face, looking down at him, "you bring her to me, I'll take care of her. She ain't coming back here no more!"

Daryl overtook Rick and was next to Tyreese, trying to break his concentration, tapping him on the shoulder,"hey man, we're just working...". Tyreese quickly pushed his hand away. He kept staring at Rick: "do I need to say it again?" Rick rushed to answer him, shaking his head "no...no. I know what you're feeling. I've been there, you saw me there; it's dangerous." Tyreese continued like he hadn't heard a word Rick had said: "Karen didn't deserve this. David didn't deserve it, nobody does!"

Daryl had another go, taking Tyreese by the shouder again, "alright, man...", he mumbled. Suddenly Tyreese turned around, grabbed Daryl by the collar of his vest and pushed him against the nearest bookcase. Rick and Carol, who hadn't said a word to make things worse, rushed forward to come to Daryl's aid. In the past, the old Daryl would have jumped at the chance to start a fight, but in stead of letting them help, he stuck out both arms as to say _"leave him!"_. "We're on the same side, man...", he claimed calmly. Rick spoke to Tyreese's back, trying to reason with him."Hey look, I know what you're going through. We've all lost someone. We know what you're going through right now. But you gotta calm down!". Tyreese let go of Daryl and turned on Rick yet again. Rick pushed it a bit further:"She didn't want you to be like this! We're trying to find a solution. Carol's one of us!" A blow of pain rushed through his cheek, where Tyreeses fist met his jaw. He hadn't seen that one coming and lost his balance. Struggling to get back up, he felt his face and saw blood on his hand. Tyreese quickly dealt him another blow, after which Daryl had had enough and pulled Tyreese back from Rick so he could regain his footing, yelling "that's enough!". Rick was getting pissed now. While Daryl was still holding him, he punched Tyreese so hard, he dropped like a sack of potatoes. Daryl let go of him and jumped to the side. Carol couldn't believe her eyes. She had her hands up to her mouth to stifle a scream, tears in her eyes. There was blood everywhere. But Rick hadn't had enough yet. He jumped on Tyreese and punched him, three, four times, before Daryl stepped in again and pulled him off of Tyreese. Rick was in a craze, "let go of me!""No!""LET GO OF ME!""NO!". Tyreese lay crying on the floor. Rick sat down and came to his senses. His hands were covered in blood as was his face. Daryl took a look at them and said:"Imma go wake up Hershel". He turned around and walked off.

Rick took a look at Carol, who was still shocked and said:"I'm letting the counsel decide."

After a few minutes Daryl returned with Hershel who had already been awake because of all the noise. He had ushered people back into their cells. Rick turned to Daryl and whispered:"Get her the hell out of here."


	16. Chapter 16

The sun was out; it promised to be a beautiful day. Rays came through the bars of the window. Squinting to let her eyes adjust to the light, she turned her head slowly to the right. There he was. Beautiful man. Her man. Still sleeping peacefully. Sweat on his brow from the heat of the confined space of the cell. He still smelled of last night's love-making. It made her grin from ear to ear. It was amazing, as always.

They had taken the time to decorate their cell, make it a bit more homely. Putting up a bedsheet to cover the celldoor and give them some privacy. There was a closet where they kept their clothing and a few towels. The beerbottle with a fresh bouquet of Cherokee roses was on the small desk. He went out every day to pick new ones while they were in bloom. Sophia's doll was propped up next to it, like a little shrine. Sophia would never be forgotten. She had put up some pictures of her mother and Sophia.

Her watch was next to the shrine. Eight o'clock already. She would have to hurry if she was to start on her chores on time. Lots of clothes to wash this morning and in the afternoon she would check on the waterpump with Rick.

She kissed him softly on the mouth; it woke him up. He looked adorable, stretching himself. He turned to look at her, squinting against the light, just like she had. "Mornin', babygirl", he mumbled smiling, his voice husky from sleeping. He put both hands behind his head so he could properly admire her naked body. "Moning, Pookie", she smiled, "time to get up!". She gave his cheek a soft stroke. She stood up from the bed and walked over to the closet. Wrapping a towel around herself, she urged him to get up. "Come on, sleepyhead!". "Hmmm, you go ahead, I'll catch up...". Pushing the bedsheet to the side, she stepped into the prison's common room. Hershel, Beth and Maggie were sitting at one of the tables, having breakfast and reading. They looked up to say good morning. Glen was making his own breakfast at the kitchenette. At another table Rick was feeding Judith some fruit and Carl was enthusiastically talking to Michonne about some of the comics she had brought back for him. They all looked up her as she walked the way to the showers and smlied good morning. She smiled back at them.

It was a bad excuse of a shower, but the water was hot and it did the job. That waterpump made an aweful lot of noise, so showering wasn't really a relaxing experience. She stood with her back to the showercurtain overthinking the coming day when she felt a strong arm slipped around her waist. At first she was startled, but she would recognise that arm anywhere and instantly relaxed. He stepped into the downpour and stood behind her, kissing the back of her neck. Even with the warm water, she had goosbumps. That trick never seemed to fail. It made them both smile. He stroked her back, reaching for the soap. The scent of it filled the showerroom. She took it from him and lathering up, she put soap on his arms and across his chest. He enjoyed that, staring her in the eyes while she touched him. Looking down at her, while she washed away the sex and the dust, that seemed to come from everywhere overnight. He washed her down with soap softly and slowly. Going past her arms, back and chest. He wasn't the only one enjoying this. She still couldn't believe that they actually made it this far. Them being together. It made her feel incredibly lucky and loved. She was actually happy, given the circumstances. She could stay like this forever.

Responsibility creeped in and it was time to start the day. She put the towel around herself again and dried off quickly. He did the same, closing the tap, wearing a towel around his waist. She admired his V-shaped muscles, she couldn't help herself. He was hot! He walked in front of her back to their cell, putting his wet hair back with his hand. Theirs was at the begining of the row, so they had to pass all the other cells, before they reached theirs. He walked in front of her and said something she didn't quite catch. She stopped in front of their cell door and looked to the right, back along the row of celldoors she just walked passed. Others had put up bedcovers as well; they danced on the draft. She squinted, thought she saw something. When all of a sudden she did see something familair. It was like time had stopped moving forward. Everything was magnified. She felt beads of water dripping from her hair onto her back, she heard the walkers moaning and groaning against the fence outside and the crickets in the field. A face, short blond curls and a hairband. Her heart stopped beating for a second, then it jumped...it was Sophia! "Sophia, SOPHIA!", she cheeringly called out to her only child and turned on her heel to walk toward her. It seemed to take her a lifetime to reach her child. The commonroom streched to double its size. She looked around, but all the others didn't seem to care, they went about their business, like nothing happened. But the closer she got, the more Sophia seemed to change. Hair got dirtier, eyes lay deeper and became a milky white and skin, with black and blue blotches, seemed to hang from her bones. Sophia didn't appear to be happy to see her...in fact Sophia didn't appear to see her at all. Just before she reached her, she saw a bitemark in Sophia's neck; she realised, this wasn't Sophia...this was a monster. Sophia grunted and clapped her teeth together, closer and closer. Carol was still trying to get closer, but something seemed to stop her, like she was on a tight elastic band that wouldn't stretch any further. She looked down and saw that familair arm around her waist again, pulling her back. Frantically she tried to break loose, but couldn't. She was in a fixed grip. With both hands she tried to break free, all the while yelling: "Let me go, LET ME GO!". Sophia stumbled closer but was till out of her reach. She wanted to get to her child, wanted to keep her safe, protect her, but she wasn't able to. She felt completely and utterly helpless. She started crying, screaming...

She sat up with a start, still screaming Sophia's name. Panting, she looked around. He was awake with her, calling her name, trying to get her back to the real world. She was back in the barn and her heart sank. The talk with Rick had been a disaster. "This is never going to work; who am I kidding", she sighed to herself.


	17. Chapter 17

Their love-making had started out ferocious that night, like they both knew it was going to be the last time and it had to be savored. But halfway they had both calmed down a bit and it ended on a sweet and tender note. They had kissed, licked, bitten and stroked every inch of eachother's bodies. Torn by lust, love and guilt she had cried again in the end, because she had made up her mind and knew it meant having to say good-bye to him. At least for now.

"What do you mean, you're leavin'? You can't just leave, you can't get back on that road, by yourself...?!" He tried to convince her to stay, but she was already walking around the barn, packing up her stuff. "I have to, I have no other option.", she tried to explain with pain in her heart. "Of course I want to stay, I want to be with you, but I can't. I can't stay here in this barn forever, waiting on you to come visit me. And as great as that is, it's not enough." She looked at him with her brows up, looking for some kind of understanding. But he didn't have any. He wasn't having any of this. "DAMMIT", he yelled, while kicking at the barndoor, "... can't you at least wait for the Counsel's decision? I'm on it too, I'll make them change their damn minds!" "Daryl, this isn't about scaring them into taking me back. If I go back, I go because they're ok with me being there, not because you threatened to kick their asses! But you saw Tyreese. And I imagine the rest of them won't react that much diferently. I begged Rick to take me back. I shouldn't have done that. That was the old me, rearing her ugly head. Still begging for a man to make it all right. I'm stronger now, I can do this. I'm gonna go out there and find a new group of people and start over. I could come visit you...right...?" She had no idea who she was trying to convince. Because it sure as hell wasn't either of them. But she had to put up a brave face to ease the pain for both of them. She wanted to at least try.

"Ppffrt, yeah right..." That wasn't enough for him. "I don't wanna fuckin' visit you. I want you to be with me. I want you to be _mine_. Finally we're here after all this time and you're fuckin'_ leaving_? You're just like my damn brother!" And there was the old Daryl back again. He was about to get hurt, in a bad way, and he did what he knew best. Hurt them back, harder. "Okay then, fuck off, pack your stuff and get the fuck OUT! I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN, YOU FUCKING BITCH! I risked my life to save you, put you up here, try to get you back into the prison, fuck you to kingdom come and this is the thanks I get?" She was surprised, was he playing this game, again? After all they'd been through in the last couple of days?  
"Ahh, here we go...! God's gift to women, you want a fucking round of applause?! Get off your high horse, mister DIxon! I thanked you for saving me, I'm truely grateful, but if you were in my shoes, what would you do? Sit around here for the rest of your miserable life, waiting for me? No, you would go out there and find a better life for yourself! You know I'm right!" Yes, she was right. He knew she was right. "I'm not asking you to come with me. I'm not asking you to choose between me and Rick and the group, because I know that would be an impossible choice for you to make. So I'm making it for you!". True again, he was between a rock and a hard place. He would never be able to make that choice. To leave Rick and the group behind. Or to let her go. He was frustrated and angry and wanted it to be over. To wake up from his own bad dream, but he couldn't. "The group needs you. Rick needs you as his wingman. Go back to them, protect them, keep them safe and think of me often...and who knows, maybe we will see eachother again", she whispered, stepping closer to him.  
By now, he was so angry, he wanted to hit her, give her a good shake to get her back to her senses. He wanted to turn away from her, but she stopped him. She tiptoed in front of him and gave him a tender kiss on the lips. "Can you give me a lift back to the stationwagon?". Which of course, he did.

Their good-bye was short but sweet. She didn't want to drag it out even longer than it had to be. This was painful enough as it was. She put all her stuff back in the stationwagon and focused on surviving on her own, at least for a while. She couldn't fit both thoughts in her head, missing him and staying alive, there simply wasn't enough room.  
She gave him a last kiss, but he had already shut her out. He didn't respond and she was sorry for it. It hadn't been her intention to hurt him. It was an impossible situation and she hoped, in time, he would be able to give her a little credit for handling it this way. To forgive her, if you will.  
She got in the car and drove off. He stood there in the road, crossbow behind his back, arms next to his body. Defeated. The rearview mirror showed he stood there for quite some time. She started crying after the first 50 yards and had to stop herself from turning back.

He was just numb. There she went. Like in his worst nightmare, she drove off, out of his line of sight. Out of his reach to keep her safe. He drove back to the prison in pure sadness. By the time he got bac, he was met again by Rick, just as the night before. "The Counsel's made a decision. She's not to come back." "I know", he replied. Back in his cell, he started to unpack his own bag, when a single Chrokee rose fell out, from between his stuff. She must have put it in there when he wasn't looking. "Goddammit", he cursed at himself. He put his head in his hands and started crying. What a fucking mess.  
He wasn't granted a lot of time to grieve.

There was a Guvnor at the prison's doorstep. With a tank.

The End (for now) :-)


End file.
